Family violence - tips for children and young people

Witnessing family violence can be very upsetting and frightening. Violence in the home is always wrong and it is never the child or young person’s fault. These tips may help you learn more about types of violence, how to stay safe, what to do, and where and how to get help if you or someone you love is being hurt or threatened.

The violence at home may be directed at a parent, a brother or sister, you or another family member you care about. You may see or hear the abuse happening or it may happen to you.

When the violence used is towards you or a brother or sister, this is called child abuse.

Violence at home can make you feel really sad, helpless and confused. Often children and young people think they have done something to cause the violence in their family. This is not true, but sometimes you might: take drugs or alcohol to cope.

Family violence can mean lots of different things – it’s not just being hit.

There are different kinds of violence that can happen in the home

The violence may be directed at one of your parents, at you or your sisters and brothers or at other people who may be living with you.

– someone hurting you or a loved one by hitting, slapping, pushing, biting, kicking or burning you or another. Someone throwing or breaking things in your home or hurting your pets. Physical violence also includes threats to hurt you or another family member in any of these ways.

There are important things you should remember if you think that you or someone in your family is being abused. These include:

The person who is being violent may try to make you feel responsible
ashamed or guilty about what is happening at home. You are to blame for their actions – what they have done is wrong

It is not your fault and it’s not a special secret.

Family violence is a crime

Don’t believe them if they say something bad will happen to you if you tell someone about what is happening at home.

There are people who will listen and can help you

Keeping family violence a secret is unsafe

It’s okay to tell someone and it will help you and your family to become more safe. Nothing is so awful that it can’t be talked about.

Help is available

You can report family violence at home and get help in many ways:

Find someone who you feel comfortable talking to trust to tell (perhaps a neighbour a teacher
a friend’s parents or another family member). Tell a trusted adult who can help keep you safe
help put a stop to the abuse at home

Take your time and try to explain how you or someone in your family has been abused or hurt.

It may be very difficult or scary for you to tell and it may be hard for you to find the right words to explain.

Take your time and just do the best you can to explain

Try using the phone, writing things down, drawing a picture or sending an email or letter – lots of people find talking face-to-face very difficult, not just kids.

If the person hurting you or someone in your family is a family member, you may feel safer if you tell someone outside your family – like your teacher, school welfare officer, nurse or counsellor, a trusting sporting coach or a Kids Helpline counsellor (see below). There are ways that you can stay safe including: – find someone you can trust and who will listen to you.

It might be someone in your family, your friends’ parents, a counsellor, your teacher, the police or another trusted adult.

They will help protect you

– if you feel you are not being heard or your problem is not being fixed, keep telling people until someone takes some action and you feel safe. Don’t stop telling because you have not yet been listened to. – no one should touch any part of your body in a way that makes you feel scared or confused or hurt.

This includes your private body parts

It is okay to firmly tell someone to STOP if they are touching you in a way that hurts or makes you feel confused or uncomfortable. – some touching is friendly and helpful such as hugging friends and family members, holding hands with a friend, play wrestling with your brother or giving your sister a shoulder massage.

If a friend tells you that abuse is happening to them or you think they are experiencing family violence: Listen and believe your friend and offer them comfort, understanding and support.

Try not to appear shocked

Encourage them to tell an adult they trust or to report it to the police and let them know you will accompany them if they want. Don’t keep it to yourself – tell an adult you trust. It is important that your friend is made safe and that the abuse does not continue to happen.

Give your friend phone numbers of services who can help and details of online resources such as the Bursting the Bubble website. Help your friend to keep on telling until they feel reassured and are safe. counsellors Tel.

Child Protection Crisis Line (24 hours, 7 days a week) Tel. is a free service for adults, children and young people who are experiencing or have experienced family violence and families who need extra support with the care of children. CALL POLICE 000 QUICK ESCAPE BUTTON In an emergency, always call 911 family violence Violence at home can make you feel bad blame yourself for the violence feel frightened, sad, ashamed, confused, or unhappy feel sick, have stomach pains or headaches stop eating or not feel like eating cry a lot sleep badly, have nightmares or wet the bed find school difficult lose interest in your school work or your friends have trouble concentrating feel like running away feel angry and want to hurt yourself or somebody else or to smash something have trouble talking – for example, you might stutter worry about the safety of someone in your family who is being abused Types of violence Some examples of violence that may affect you Physical violence Verbal violence Sexual violence Neglect If you think you or someone in your family is being abused not Tell someone about family violence and abuse at home Where to get help Staying safe Talk to people Keep on telling different people Remember that your body belongs to you Know the difference between safe and unsafe touching What to do if someone you know is being abused Where to get help Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 Police 000 131 278 The Orange Door Trusted family member or friend Teacher, school counsellor or trusted adult 1800RESPECT National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service (24 hours, 7 days a week) Tel.

Key Points

Often children and young people think they have done something to cause the violence in their family
There are important things you should remember if you think that you or someone in your family is being abused
Don’t stop telling because you have not yet been listened to
important that your friend is made safe and that the abuse does not continue to happen