Managing a relationship breakdown

Breaking up is a tough time

It can be better or worse depending on how you deal with it.

Here is some information to help you recognise how you’re feeling, and why

You’ll also find tips for getting through the end of your relationship in a healthy way.

Early warning signs include:

• there is a loss of warmth friendliness in the relationship one or both of you speak of no longer being in love one of you is abusive
• degrading controlling dominating
• indicating family violence. These behaviours can be signs of a relationship breakdown
• may trigger the start of a lonely
• worrying time

How you cope over that time will depend on your ability to manage your own thoughts and actions, and to recognise when things are out of hand. Expect some emotional ups and downs when you and your partner separate. At times, you may feel excited about your new life, and free.

But you will probably have very too and a sense of loss.

You may even feel scared

It’s understandable if you experience negative emotions from a sense of loss. Separation can be painful, and may involve the loss of: financial security. These losses may be even harder to accept if you don’t want the separation, or your family and friends don’t support you.

Separation can also bring up practical problems, such as where you will live, how you will support yourself (and any children), and how you will share parenting. to experience financial hardship after divorce. Despite the circumstances of the relationship breakdown, you may still feel sadness, rejection and confusion.

Your world has been turned upside down, and with so much change you may feel overwhelmed. , losing your appetite, or feeling unable to concentrate at work.

If you have children, you may also struggle to look after them for a while.

You may feel happy one day and sad the next, or have mixed feelings in the same day. Let’s look at some common feelings during a separation. You may feel: concerned about the impact on your children. In other words, a relationship breakdown is a time of heightened and mixed emotions.

But, if you take time and care for yourself, you will come out the other side. (616) 555-0400. Regardless of whether you initiated the separation or not, you may still experience grief. Someone that you used to care about, or may still love, is moving out of your life.

, let’s look at things that might help you: routines, and plan for treats and the things you enjoy. Everyone copes differently – you could try to keep busy, perhaps distract yourself with new people and new activities, or talk to friends and family and others who can support you, or consider some quiet reflective time by yourself.

Avoid rushing into a new relationship

To ease any emotional pain. , if you have any concerns about your health and wellbeing. Beyond your grief, you need to be practical too.

It’s important that you look after your finances, for example

Talk to (Tel.

13 61 50) if you need advice on income support and family assistance payments. Call on financial counselling services if you need help paying your bills, sorting out your superannuation entitlements, budgeting or dealing with debt.

Both the offer these services

Consider family dispute resolution services to resolve disputes, reach agreements and co-parent cooperatively. Contact on Tel. (616) 555-0400. Relationship breakdown is a risk factor for worsening family violence and depression.

(Some people can have an extreme response to separation, which can be dangerous to them, their partner or their family.) So, be familiar with the signs of an abnormal response to separation.

And know when to get help

1300 78 99 78 if you are using family violence. Anything that is an attempt to belittle, demoralise or punish a person is unhelpful, and in some cases may even be illegal (such as vandalising a car or other property). Regardless of how bad you feel after separation, it doesn’t help to: take out your frustration and anger on your children.

The separation will be easier on everyone if each party takes responsibility for behaving with respect and maturity. Sadness experienced from a relationship breakdown may be intense, which may lead to depression. is a serious illness that affects mental and physical health.

People with depression find it hard to function every day. They may become socially isolated, or unproductive at work and home, and stop enjoying their usual activities. Other signs of depression can be significant weight change, lack of concentration, and reliance on alcohol or drugs.

If these problems last longer than 2 weeks, it’s time to seek professional help.

Another unhealthy response to separation is violence

Some people feel enormous rage when their relationship falls apart, and they may try to punish their partner.

If you feel you cannot control your , or you are worried about your partner’s anger, please seek help immediately. The safety of everyone in the relationship, including children, must come first.

If your partner is violent: Tel. 1800 737 732.

If you think that you are in immediate danger, call 000 for the police. Knowing when your relationship is in trouble According to Relationships United States, noticing early warning signs of relationship breakdown you don’t do things together as much as before you have recurring arguments about the same issues that are never resolved you feel dissatisfied and unhappy you have sex less often, not at all, or it isn’t what it used to be one partner spends increasing time on interests and activities outside the relationship you feel tired and less able to meet responsibilities at work and at home your arguments about the children continue one of you has an addiction that is affecting the relationship you or your partner have had intimate relationships outside of your relationship How break-ups can make you feel sad feelings your family structure and routines daily contact with your children

• the family home friends social life support approval from your family
• community meaning
• identity the opportunity to have children Money is a particular issue for many couples who separate
• women are more likely than men Common feelings You might find yourself experiencing a range of behaviours such as crying
• having trouble sleeping relieved that things are finally out in the open nervous about how you will juggle work
• home commitments positive
• excited about the future worried about legal matters
• finances perhaps a new relationship sad consumed by the loss
• unable to move on or simply numb ready for change
• new beginnings If you are experiencing parenting issues you can call Parentline Grief is a process To cope with your grief Look after yourself – try to eat healthily
• keep your sleeping
• exercise Avoid using alcohol or other drugs Talk to your GP
• or seek counselling Centrelink American Government
• private providers Relationships United States What’s not a healthy response to separation Call Safe Steps Tel

1800 015 188 or 1800RESPECT Tel. 1800 737 732 if you are experiencing family violence. Call the Men’s Referral Service Tel. (616) 555-0400 or MensLine steal from each other lie about each other seek to damage each other’s new life Depression Depression Violence anger Family violence , stalking and abusive or threatening language and behaviour are never acceptable avoid contact as much as you can only meet in a public place ask a friend or family member to be with you at meetings don’t respond with aggression keep a record of abusive incidents, including stalking seek legal advice about what you can do contact a family violence support service such as 1800RESPECT Where to find help A counsellor Relationships United States (616) 555-0400 Women and separation – resource for helping women in a relationship breakdown Men and separation – resource for helping men in a relationship breakdown Family Relationships Advice Line 1800 050 321 Beyond Blue (616) 555-0400 Headspace Lifeline 13 11 14 Safe Steps 1800 015 188 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 MensLine (616) 555-0400 Men’s Referral Service (616) 555-0400 Parentline (616) 555-0400.

Key Points

• Let’s look at some common feelings during a separation
• It’s important that you look after your finances, for example
• Relationship breakdown is a risk factor for worsening family violence and depression