Self esteem

Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself. People with healthy self-esteem like themselves and value their achievements. While everyone lacks confidence occasionally, people with low self-esteem feel unhappy or unsatisfied with themselves most of the time.

This can be remedied but it takes attention and daily practise to boost self-esteem. See your doctor for information, advice and referral if you’re having trouble improving your self-esteem or if low self-esteem is causing problems such as depression. Typically, a person with low self-esteem: Has discussions with themselves (this is called ‘self talk’) that are always negative, critical and self blaming Blames themselves when things go wrong instead of taking into account other things over which they have no control such as the actions of other people or economic forces Doesn’t believe a person who compliments them.

A low self-esteem can reduce the quality of a person’s life in many different ways, including: – the constant self-criticism can lead to persistent feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, anger, shame or guilt. – for example they may tolerate all sorts of unreasonable behaviour from partners because they believe they must earn love and friendship, cannot be loved or are not loveable.

Alternatively, a person with low self-esteem may feel angry and bully other people.

The person feels self-conscious and stressed around others and constantly looks for ‘signs’ that people don’t like them. – a person with low self-esteem finds it hard to cope with a challenging life event because they already believe themselves to be ‘hopeless’. – the person may care so little that they neglect or abuse themselves, for example, drink too much alcohol.

If at any time you are worried about your mental health or the mental health of a loved one, call Lifeline 13 11 14. Some of the many causes of low self-esteem may include: Unhappy childhood where parents (or other significant people such as teachers) were extremely critical Mental illness such as an anxiety disorder or depression.

Chronic problems can be demoralising and lead to self-esteem issues. Seek professional advice for problems such as relationship breakdown, anxiety disorder or financial worries. Self-esteem is strongly related to how you view and react to the things that happen in your life.

Suggestions for building self-esteem include: – treat yourself as you would your best friend.

Be supportive, kind and understanding

Don’t be hard on yourself when you make a mistake. – every time you criticise yourself, stop and look for objective evidence that the criticism is true.

(If you feel you can’t be objective, then ask a trusted friend for their opinion.) You’ll realise that most of your negative self-talk is unfounded. – recognise that everyone is different and that every human life has value in its own right. Make an effort to accept yourself, warts and all.

Write a list and refer to it often

(If you feel you can’t think of anything good about yourself, ask a trusted friend to help you write the list.) – concentrate on living in the here-and-now rather than reliving old hurts and disappointments. – buy a set of ‘inspirational cards’ and start each day reading out a new card and carrying the card’s message with you all day. – ‘worry’ is simply fretting about the future.

Accept that you can’t see or change the future and try to keep your thoughts in the here-and-now. – schedule enjoyable events and activities into every week. it is such a good boost to the brain for all kinds of things but especially in combatting depression and helping you to feel good.

Targets need to be step by step, such as starting with a walk round the block once a day, enrolling at a local gym class or going for a swim. – communicate your needs, wants, feelings, beliefs and opinions to others in a direct and honest manner. – it takes effort and vigilance to replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviours with healthier versions.

Give yourself time to establish the new habits

Keep a diary or journal to chart your progress. Further ways to build self-esteem include: Talk to a trusted friend or loved one about your self-esteem issues. Browse the Better Health Channel for further information.

See your doctor for information, advice and possible referral. Read books on self-development.

Take a course in personal development

Discuss your issues and get advice from a trained therapist. Info Line Tel. Characteristics of low self-esteem Is extremely critical of themselves Downplays or ignores their positive qualities Judges themselves to be inferior to their peers Uses negative words to describe themselves such as stupid, fat, ugly or unlovable Assumes that luck plays a large role in all their achievements and doesn’t take the credit for them Low self-esteem and quality of life Negative feelings Relationship problems Fear of trying Perfectionism Fear of judgement Low resilience Lack of self-care Self-harming behaviours Causes of low self-esteem Poor academic performance in school resulting in a lack of confidence Ongoing stressful life event such as relationship breakdown or financial trouble Poor treatment from a partner, parent or carer, for example, being in an abusive relationship Ongoing medical problem such as chronic pain, serious illness or physical disability Seek help for underlying self-esteem problems Self-esteem building Talk to yourself positively Challenge negative ‘self-talk’ Don’t compare yourself to others Acknowledge the positive Appreciate your special qualities Forget the past Tell yourself a positive message everyday Stop worrying Have fun Exercise – Be assertive Practise the above suggestions every day Seek out support to build self-esteem Where to get help Your GP (doctor) Your local community health centre Find a GP near you who specialises in mental health issues through the beyondblue website beyondblue 1300 22 4636 Lifeline 13 11 14 Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 Suicide Helpline Michigan (616) 555-0400 Mental Health Foundation (616) 555-0200 Relationships United States (616) 555-0400.